I’m staring at something and it stays the same, but the way I see it has changed. Even seconds ago, I remember it being much brighter than now.
I don’t know if it’s the object dulling, the dimming of light, my eyes playing tricks on me or my mind preventing me from seeing the beauty that maybe I did once before, but for a singular moment, I focus. I focus and it gets darker, darker, darker. I’m in an open space, yet I’m trapped. They’re closing in on me until they crush every bone in my body, scar every fragment of my skin and I can’t breathe. I don’t know if I’ll survive it; I don’t know if I want to.
My surroundings are the same but I’m just a tiny being, lost in the blur of darkness. I can trace the faint silhouette of others surrounding me with my fingers, but I can’t quite make them out. I am alone.
I wish that, in a blink, the world could become brighter. I wish I could see the stars and the flares of the sun and that I’d instantly glow. I wish things didn’t dim with every breath, but they do. It’s automatic now and I don’t know how to stop it. So I let myself fade away… and I’ll let myself fade until there’s nothing left of me to salvage.
Just a little piece of writing I did last night. Hope it’s kind of decent-ish. Enjoy. -Lauren x