Today marks both the end of Lesbian Visibility Week and Lesbian Visibility Day itself!
As a lesbian, writing something on this day is really important to me.
So, this time last year, I was not out as a lesbian. I’ve not fully been out for very long now in real life, but it’s been a lot longer on the internet. For about 5 years I’ve been out as queer (formerly identifying as pansexual, and whilst I was questioning my sexuality this time last year, identifying as sapphic), but only came out to my family in late 2018, not long after I got together with my partner. It has been almost 2 years now, but it doesn’t feel like long at all, when it’s been no secret since 2015 amongst my friends that I’m LGBTQIA+.
Being a lesbian is something I am incredibly proud of. It is a part of my identity and that isn’t something I’m going to hide. I spent too long doing that – hiding from myself, even. But I’m really proud of who I am and who I love, and I am going to be visible.
Being visible isn’t always easy; My partner used to attend uni in Staffordshire and one time a young boy (who we genuinely believe was about 8) harassed us, shouting homophobic slurs at us for holding hands. We continued and stuck together, we even said proudly that we were a couple, but we were lucky in some ways – the harassment remained verbal until the boys had nothing to say, and then they gave up and cycled off. Then there’s the general judgment in Farnborough – being such a conservative place, we have found it so difficult to just walk through without the eyes, the stares… they’re intense. Then, there’s the rest of it – things my fellow lesbians face, that I luckily haven’t, abuse, fetishisation… it’s horrible. Heck, even my dad got abuse (because of me) – walking down the street, he carried a pride bag with some of my stuff in it, and it wasn’t a problem to him – but it was to the men who raced past and threw a nearly full bottle at him, whilst hurtling homophobic abuse – this is some of the shit our community deals with.
In the face of all this, I am still so proud of my identity, and I am proud of who I love.
I am so deeply in love with my girlfriend – she is my person (you know when you just know) and I’m so excited for all of the amazing adventures we’re yet to go on together – and I cannot understand why anyone would hate that, why anyone would hate love. I am the happiest I’ve been and I am so lucky to have met her. My heart is so full of love and pride, and it breaks my heart to know some people cannot accept or understand it. But they will not stop me from feeling the unconditional love I feel for her, they won’t stop me from loving, nor will they stop me from being a lesbian just because they don’t like it.
Loud and Proud, I am a lesbian.
Now, on the note of lesbian visibility/pride, I just want to talk about some important things within the lesbian community.
I am a non-binary lesbian myself. I identify as a non-binary woman myself, using she/they pronouns, however, there are many non-binary lesbians who do not at all identify with she/her pronouns; they/them lesbians and he/him lesbians are valid.
Transgender lesbians exist and they are SO valid. If you are a lesbian who is a TERF, then honestly you can absolutely get the hell away from me. Trans lesbians are valid. First of all, trans lesbians have always been a member of our community, and prominently so – that is something all queer people need to remember.
A Way With Words
Please, please be respectful. Do not use words that don’t belong to you.
I personally identify with the word Dyke, a word that the lesbian community has reclaimed, but if you do not, it’s not your place to use it. Some other gay men have reclaimed the F word, but even as a member of the gay community, that is not my word to use. Also, as a white lesbian, I want to remind fellow white lesbians that the S word (commonly synonymous with ‘butch’), is not ours to use.
Generally, I wish you all a happy lesbian visibility day! Let’s celebrate one another.
Here are some posts I wanted to share with you all regarding lesbian visibility:
My Instagram post: https://www.instagram.com/p/B_dV2w_BIeT/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link
My lesbian visibility tik tok:
My girlfriend’s tik tok bc she’s beautiful:
And EXTREMELY IMPORTANTLY: The UK has just launched an attack on trans rights. Please sign the petition against this – https://www.change.org/p/uk-parliament-liz-truss-threatens-the-future-of-young-transgender-individuals-this-needs-to-be-stopped?recruiter=302179421&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=facebook&utm_campaign=psf_combo_share_initial&utm_term=psf_combo_share_initial&recruited_by_id=13d1ac40-ffb1-11e4-a854-4fee9518f702&utm_content=fht-21726171-en-gb%3Av2